Step 8 | Lesson 1
Assessment
We made a list of all persons we had harmed and identified ways to make amends to them all.
Print-Ready PDF
Great for personal study or discipleship
Let’s begin looking at Step 8, as we look into the 12 Steps with God
Step 8 – Assessment – We made a list of all persons we had harmed and identified ways to make amends to them all.
Now, in Step 8, Lesson 1 – we will be challenging you to think about those whom you have wronged so that we can begin to restore damaged relationships. Relationships are a critical part of the human experience that God created for us – with Him and others!
When we sin, it naturally affects those around us. Sometimes that sin affects them because we blatantly sinned against them (e.g. we stole from them, hurt them, tempted them into sin with us, lied to them, etc.) and sometimes they are only affected by the sin in us (e.g. any addiction that draws our attention away from loved ones, lust that impairs our relationship with our spouses, coveting that results in priorities being out of order, etc.).
In this step we are purposefully and prayerfully considering those whom our sin has impacted with a goal of repairing a damaged relationship and rebuilding broken trust. This may be something perceived as small and almost insignificant, to something big and extremely detrimental. The difference in our minds matters little, our objective is to repair all damaged relationships.
The first relationship that demands restoration is that with our God. King David said…
Psalms 32:5, I acknowledged my sin to You, and I did not hide my guilt; I said, “I will confess my wrongdoings to the Lord”; and You forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah
And earlier in the same Psalm in verses 1 & 2, he says
Psalms 32:1-2, How blessed is he whose wrongdoing is forgiven, whose sin is covered! 2 How blessed is a person whose guilt the Lord does not take into account, and in whose spirit, there is no deceit!
In Leviticus, God pledges to the children of Israel that there can be absolute reconciliation if they confess their sin and repent.
Leviticus 26:40-42, “But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers in their treachery that they committed against me, and also in walking contrary to me, 41 so that I walked contrary to them and brought them into the land of their enemies—if then their uncircumcised heart is humbled and they make amends for their iniquity, 42 then I will remember my covenant with Jacob, and I will remember my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land.”
What has happened here is that God has already established a covenant with Israel and has given Israel the Law so they would know how to live in relationship with Him, but they will disobey and rebel. When that happens, God will draw away from them because God’s promises are rooted in their relationship. Sin damages relationships. However, God promises that if they will return to Him in humility and make amends, then He will return to them in a restored relationship. We believe that the same principle applies for believers today.
One of the interesting things about this passage is that it introduces the truth that consequences for sins are generational. The sins of our parents have an effect on us. That doesn’t mean that we can blame our sinful choices on them, because we have chosen sin for ourselves. However, we should be aware of the fact that our sin has an effect on our children. This should be a challenge for us to break the chain of sin so that our children will be in a better place because of our decision to live for God.
Also, you might have noticed how God promises His departure from His people only if they depart from Him. Notice that He never initiates the breakdown of the relationship, He only responds to it. Our broken fellowship with God is never His fault.
Again, we start to mend that relationship by confessing our sin as we read in 1 John.
1 John 1:9, If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Humility and amends are key in relationship restoration. This part of the process is vital and cannot be skipped or overlooked. We must be humble and admit our wrongdoing, openly acknowledging our faults to God whom we have wronged. This is the time for absolute honesty. You must not say what you do not mean, and you cannot fake this – God knows your heart.
Consider and Confess:
- Have you ever tried to bargain with God? Bargaining with God is crazy enough, but worse than that, you knew in the back of your mind that you may not keep your end of the deal?
- Have you ever reflected on or considered your sin, but you acted like God did not know about it?
- What are some symptoms of your broken relationship with God? (e.g. depression, life is aimless or has no purpose, things are not working like they should, etc.)
- Are you honestly interested in getting your relationship with God where it ought to be? Why?
- Has your broken relationship with God become a pattern or habit where you break relationships with people close to you? Which relationships (be specific)?
- Step 7 dealt with cleansing us from sin (Psalm 51:2 & 1 John 1:7-9). How have things been going since that lesson?
Looking Forward:
In the next lesson we will begin looking at restoring our relationships with loved ones, other than God. We recommend that you not move on to the next lesson until things are headed the right direction with God. We believe that honesty
Step 8 | Lesson 2
Assessment
We made a list of all persons we had harmed and identified ways to make amends to them all.
Audio Lesson
Listen to Lesson 8.2
Print-Ready PDF
Great for personal study or discipleship
Let us finish looking at Step 8, Part 2, as we look into the 12 Steps with God
Step 8 – Assessment – We made a list of all persons we had harmed and identified ways to make amends to them all.
Now, in Step 8, Lesson 2 – we will be looking at restoring relationships with loved ones, other than God. We need to remember that sin fractures relationships – our relationship with God and others.
It is important that we restore the relationship with God, first and foremost, but when you are ready…there are numerous relationships that need your attention and restoration. In our previous lesson we spent more time talking about the need for repairing the broken relationship with God. But once that relationship is on track, we must turn our attention to the people we have hurt by our sin.
In the midst of His great sermon on the mount, Jesus said,
Matthew 5:23-24, “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
These verses are in a group of verses that portray a lesson on living without strife and anger. Here, the sinner initiates the reconciliation in humility with a sense of urgency. Later in His teaching, Jesus talked about what to do if someone sins against you, but here He addresses what to do if you have sinned against someone else. It is very clear that Jesus intends for his people to live in good relationship to all, which means that we may need to forgive and ask forgiveness on a regular basis.
I appreciate what the great commentator Albert Barnes records concerning this passage: “The Pharisees were intent only on the external act in worship. They looked not at all to the internal state of the mind. If a man conformed to the external rites of religion, however much envy, and malice, and secret hatred he might have, they thought he was doing well. Our Savior taught a different doctrine, it was of more consequence to have the heart right than to perform the outward act. If, therefore, says he, a man has gone so far as to bring his gift to the very altar, and should remember that anyone had anything against him, it was his duty there to leave his offering and go and be reconciled. While a difference of this nature existed, his offering could not be acceptable. He was not to wait till the offended brother should come to him; he was to go and seek him out and be reconciled.” – Barnes Notes on the Bible.
Romans 12 :18, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people.”
This begins with “if possible” because having healthy relationships does not entirely depend upon us, it also depends on the attitudes and responses of others…but we need to initiate reconciliation, doing everything possible to live at peace with others.
Like the previous lesson, we believe that humbleness and confession are important to this step.
James 5:16, “… confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”
Sin leads to isolation and confession forces us to look outside ourselves to resolve that sin. This verse falls in the midst of a discussion on healing from physical ailments. It seems obvious that broken relationships contribute to poorer health. But healing may come when we fix our relationships through the process of confession and prayer. Mutual honesty, openness, and sharing of needs will enable believers to uphold each other in spiritual struggles.
1 Peter 5:5b, “Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble’.”
Again, the importance of humility is emphasized by the fact that God stands against the proud but gives gracious support to those who are humble. In restoring our relationships by confession, we must be humble toward those whom we have wronged. Because we have sinned against them, they have the moral and relational high ground. Acknowledge the fact that you have wronged them and seek genuine forgiveness.
Consider and Confess:
- Humbleness and confession are where we are to start, but are you stumbling over pride, never really getting to the humility and confession that God commands?
- Even if our life is marred by other’s sin against us, our thoughts, actions, and words can be sinful and hurt/offend God and others. This sin – our sin, breaks our fellowship with God and others and still requires our attention. Are you ready to seek reconciliation for your sin?
- Is your version of pride a spiritual pride, where you are “gifted” and/or spiritually superior to those you may have hurt or offended, such that you are not responsible for any hurt?
- Against whom have you sinned? (Make a thorough list. Add names as necessary. A journal may be helpful here.)
- How have you sinned against these people? (Be specific. Also, be biblical. Our emotions of guilt can mislead us into thinking we have sinned against someone when we have only felt bad about them. However, be ready to follow-up on your sin when God points it out.)
- Take time to prioritize your relationships. Which ones need restoring first?
- Forgiveness from those we have hurt is not guaranteed. If you confess your sins in humbleness and no forgiveness comes, how will you respond?
Looking Forward:
In our next step we will be discussing exactly how to go about making amends. Now that we have covered how we inventory those whom we have offended along life’s way, we are ready to act. In step 9, we will be giving you a biblical method for amends, starting with a definition and then an explanation. This process of inventorying and making amends should put us in a position of peace and security in our relationship with God, and therefore, our relationships with others.